BIOHAZARD Stupid Outbreak
by Mouchan
Summary: A parody fic from me. David is a loner with an ability to pop up like ads, Yoko is a pshycotic crossdresser and Kevin is a drunken dumbass. Can they survive? Check this out!
1. Welcome to burning hotel

The funny fic from me, please have a read...GotchA!

dISCLAIMER: reo BELONG TO capcom

**BIOHAZARD "Stupid" Outbreak**

**Chapter 1: Welcome to burning hotel**

"Whatta rush...," Kevin the RPD officer mentioned as they entered the hotel. There was a loud explosion from inside the boiler room.

"Um...excuse me...," said Yoko, the student girl dumbly from his back. David, the mysterious plumber was running aimlessly in the area

with his dearest folding knife. He never exclaimed any words and ignored his partner nearby. There was a man sitting back against the

door, bent down his head.

"What the hell is that?" Kevin yelled as he saw an anonymous figure crawling against the window. But Yoko and David didn't pay

attention with his scream. Then he sighed angrily and turned around.

"Hey buddy, you okay?" David stood in front him but no reply, wondering he can befriend with the unknown guy. Actually, the man was

experiencing some kind of transformation phase to become a zombie after been longer infected.

He didn't bother to talk. David became bore and left him away.

"Hey...you see that?" Kevin pointed at the glowing thing.

Yoko approached him from his left "Must be...a directory map."

"Huh? Are you sure?" Kevin asked, frowned. "Why? You haven't seen one?" she replied confused. "I thought that is a cemetery," he

replied, stupidly.

"Who's wanted to dig a grave here? You moron!" Yoko growled and slightly beat his head.

"Ouch! Watch your hand, kiddo!" he snapped and touched his head. Kevin gazed to his surrounding; David was nowhere to be found

there. Finally he decided to move and walked to inside the boiler room with Yoko closed behind.

"Wooo...like a sauna!" he exclaimed as he entered the room. David was inside, only made the 'hmph' sound as he met them. Yoko who

was always feeling attracted to fill the emptiness inside her inventory, collected the first aid spray, green herb and armed the iron pipe

from the corner.

"Hey, easy girl...Are you trying to whack me up?" Kevin said and slowly backed away; worried the girl will turn nuts after being trapped

for a long period "No...It's just a precaution. In case the zombie comes," she seriously said and raised highly the pipe.

"There's no zombie here...just put it down," he advised. "No Kevin...they'll come shortly...I can feel it," said Yoko, uncertainly.

"Yeah...yeah...What an idiot..." he muttered.

Kevin only shrugged off and then explored the hot area with the flame slightly burned his skin. "Um...Kevin?" Yoko suddenly called him.

He quickly turned back and ran off towards her "What now?"

"I think...you've forgot something," she said with a considerate eyes. "Forget what?" he asked and realized her index finger indicated

downward. He mistakenly understood her and smiled naughtily.

"I think this is not the right time for that, Yoko but if you insist me...let's go up stair," he gestured up to the ladder beside and then smiled

down to her. Yoko gave an angry look and beat her iron pipe once again on his head. Seemed what he had thinking before has became

true.

"Bitch!"

"That's not what I meant, asshole! There's a body lying just near your boot," she exclaimed and both of them looked down to the body

of dead firemen.

"It's just a corpse...nothing special on him," Kevin bored, depressed with her rejection.

"The walkie-talkie at his hand...speaks into it," she ordered. Kevin gave an odd look "Why I'm suppose to do that? And why I need to

that for you?" he asked weirdly.

"Cause you're a main character in this game and David and I are just your AI partner. Damn it!" she said furiously.

"This is a mess...," David grunted and leaved them away, felt annoy with the argument. "A game eh? We're a game character? Heh!

Funny," Kevin sneered.

"That's helping you to complete the hellfire scenario. Now speak into it!" she stormed out. "Hellfire Scenario? Never heard it before...What's my reward for that?" he continuously asked. Yoko's face flushed angrily.

She hardly sighed and tried to comfort the angriness inside her "She will give you the best quality beer," calmly replied.

"Aww great! Yummy...May I know who?" Kevin happily clasped his hand like a pansy. She didn't able to hold her temperedness and burse out.

"CAN YOU STOP ASKING TOO MANY QUESTIONS? I'M GETTING NUTS HERE, NOW GET SERIOUS!" Yoko yelled and threatened him by aiming her iron pipe toward him.

Kevin cowardly lowered his body to the ground, tried to grab the walkie-talkie from the hand of dead firemen. Yoko only saw him with a pair fierce eye. Probably this might be the original scene in the hellfire opening.

Kevin's stupidity: 55 Virus meter: 8

Yoko's temperedness: 70 Virus meter: 0.5

David's coolness: 50 Virus meter: 4.5

"Hey...hey you...huh? What? No shit," he put back the thing on the ground and slowly rose up. Kevin faced down Yoko who was staring

closely back him.

"What did he say?" Yoko demanded and Kevin touched the top of his head, scratching.

"Nothing..." he carefully said.

"That's it?" she rolled her eyes, disbelieved. "Yeah. There's no one out there and I heard some kind of...a moaning sound. Maybe zombie had eaten them," he remarked.

Yoko touched her forehead with regret.

"Any good news here?" asked David who was suddenly popped out from nowhere. "No!"

"Fuck!" David cursed and looked away.

"Where have you been?" Kevin asked, felt weirdly with his sudden lost. "Why should I tell you?" David replied, cold sweated even the temperature was almost approaching a boiling point.

Both Kevin and Yoko looked peculiarly at him. David didn't dare to meet their eyes, tried to keep his coolness. Behaved like a school kid who's being punished standing on the chair for the whole day.

_David 's Flashback_

...(Next chapter!)

Continue...

What happened to David, I'll tell later. So long!


	2. An enigma of the cool plumber

****

Here the second chapter. Sorry for the lateness.No flames****Thanks for the people who reviewed. Hope you gonna like this.

Disclaimer: REO is not mine.

**Chapter 2: An enigma of the cool plumber**

"Hmmmmm……" Kevin raised his eyebrow with looking up and down towards David. He backed away, uncomfortable. Yoko realized Kevin's mysterious gaze and frowned. _'I don't think he's a straight guy….Man…is there any place where I can deserve a normal attention?' _she unthinkably patted her forehead and sighed.

"W-What you're looking at?" David stuttered (Aww….sounds sexy!).

Kevin smirked and walked forward. "Kevin, we don't have time to make a joke around here cause we gonna fry our ass, j-just stop," Yoko exclaimed, wasn't sure if she felt jealous with the situation or something.

'_Damn! Why I must stick with this odd….,' _David glared and then clenched his fist. "Oh! You're trying to beat me, cute plumber? I like it," Kevin suddenly stopped his path with several inches from him.

_'I hate yaoi scene! Oh My! Somebody please, get me outta here,' _Yoko cried inside and sweated heavily. "Um…guys, our virus gauge just keep rising. We better get going." Unfortunately the bastards didn't hearing her advise at all .

"You wanna me to punch your face?" David threatened. Kevin silenced but the smile still not disappeared from his natural cheerily face.

"David, did you do something with your pant?" Kevin asked and naughtily gazed downward. David looked down and noticed the awkward stain between his thighs.

"Oh shit!" He suddenly cupped the area and blushed. "Masturbate huh?" Kevin sneered and crossed his arms. "Gosh! I hate this!" Yoko quickly looked away and covered her eyes (she stills a virgin, you silly!).

Upps...

**David's flashback **

_After been wandered awhile from his annoying partners, he suddenly managed to crush into one of the abandoned toilet inside the hotel. "Damn…finally," he announced as he took a leak. Nobody knew how hard he needed to keep his coolness as the once of the hot RE guys. Really tough, isn't it? Don't you think   
_

_He took a satisfying breathe and then reached the water tap nearby to wash umm….you know what I mean? Okay, fine! But that was a very luckless time for him, the tap suddenly burst out and the water uncontrollably sprinkled everywhere especially at his mainly area. _

_"Fuck!" David stormed out and tried to twist off the tap but the water still pressed out (use your plumbing skill, you idiot!). He kept holding down the tap without thinking any of his precious skill (That's not cool, man. You're totally stupid!). 'Need to get out from here before they find out,' he thought and tried to search another way to hide his embarrassment.   
_

_Felt embarrass because of the failure to fix the fucking tap. 'Oh my! That's why I need to retire from this stupid job. Why they didn't want to give me a great job? The plumber? What the hell? This isn't suit my charisma!" he grumbled to himself and shook his head   
_

_"Aww man!" David suddenly gave up and quickly zipped his pant before he moved out. _

**End flashback **

"This wasn't of what you're thinking bout!" David declared defensively. "And why you have the strange wetness down there? It so obvious, you know!" Kevin provoked.

Yoko snorted and growled. "Kevin, that's not nice. Just let him go…"

"Nop till I see his second blushing face," Kevin grinned with the slight happiness inside, happy to make him gross.

David's coolness: 30 Virus gauge: 7

Kevin's pervert: 75 Virus gauge: 13

Yoko's temperedness: 75 Virus gauge: 2.5

"I'm gonna kill you, asshole!" David gave the pissed off glare, seemed his pride has been mocked by the drunken cop.

Kevin suddenly felt the freakly nervous inside as he caught the sharp glare from him. _'May be my joke is too much. Alright, I let you go,' _he slowly walked backward and raised his hand.

"Hey easy….I-I'm just wanna to have some fun since we trapped in this stupid game. S-Sorry…" Kevin trembled and then looked back to Yoko's location. She was nowhere to be found and he heard her footsteps above.

"Yoko, wait!" Kevin shouted and immediately climbed up the ladder to chase her behind.

David tensed up from his position and then gripped his fist "This gonna be your last scenario, fucking cop," he growled and followed them from back.

Continue...


	3. Whoops! Zombie time

Chapter 3 is up! Yay!

**Chapter 3: Woops! Zombie time**

Yoko was running aimlessly along the narrow hallway where she suddenly tripped after being teased by the hot flame. "Ouch!"

She touched her back and tiredly raised her body with the hurt expression from her face. "You might get killed, kiddo," Kevin remarked and then she looked up, pissed off. "Oi! Shut up!"

"Precaution," he shrugged off and then walked away. _'What the? Hey, you need to help me, dammit!' _Yoko glared at his back while gritted her teeth, wondering how ungentlemanly of him to be around with the helpless little girl like her. _'You're gay right? Right? Right?,' _she stood on then slowly came over toward him.

Anyway, where's the plumber dude?

**Meanwhile……**

David sat on the bunk bed inside the unknown room without his plumber uniform and stayed in his white shirt with heart boxer (Aww! So cute) "Damn it!" that's all that he can say since that was his trademark dialogue in outbreak.

His pale blue eyes stared on the embarrassing stain at his uniform. _'Asshole! I won't ever let him insulting me again.'_

David's eyes were full with anger. No one ever dare to taunt him like that, no one! But the drunken cop was too much. _'He thought me masturbate? Fuck! That's sick, I'm normal! Plus I've never been touched,' _cried David (that's mean he's still umm…virgin? Shame you! The coolest plumber is still a virgin?)

David was trying to dry off the area by fanning the uniform and heated it on the small fire inside the room. He raised his eyebrow as he gazed down on the stain. It's already dried.

Confident to himself, he wore back the uniform by entering first his right leg. But the stupid plumber forgot to take off his duty shoe and the thing stuck inside his pant. He kept on growling and heavily sweated while trying to enter his leg (What an idiot….). He made a childish skip and then…..Doom!

David managed to release a shock yelp before fallen onto the floor "Somebody help!!!!"

**Back to Kevin and Yoko enigma**

"I'm wondering if David is fine," Yoko sneezed. Kevin looked at her and frowned "You mustn't trust with your fake sneezing."

"It's nothing to do with that. Let's go and find him," Yoko exclaimed and tightens the sling of her knapsack at her shoulders. Kevin solely gave an envy look as he watched the cross dresser past him

Yoko kept pressing onward while Kevin followed her behind. Suddenly she stopped "What happened?" Kevin asked.

She immediately ran back and leaved Kevin there "I must run!" He only widened his eyes "Hey!"

There were four zombies approaching from the edge of the hallway. "Kevin, you're the one with the gun. You know what I mean?" Yoko yelled from her hiding. "What! Hey, that's not a zombie. That's the drunken dumbass!" Kevin answered. "Maybe they're all my friends…"

Yoko sweat dropped and sighed "Those are the fucking zombies, you idiot. Just shoot!" Kevin returned an innocent look "Look, I'm a good cop, little girl and I won't dishonor my duty, hm!" he showed his index finger against his face.

"Just fuck off your honor because now we're in danger. Now shoot!" Yoko came forward and shook harshly his shoulders before she slapped him. He immediately sobered from his idiotic and gave a several potshots at their heads.

Yoko hides back and watched the brave cop fighting against the undead.

"Kevin!"

"Yoko!"

"Kevin!"

"Yoko!"

"Kevin!"

"Yoko!"

"Kevin!"

"WHY YOU'RE KEEP CALLING ME? I'M BUSY!" Kevin annoyed. "I-I don't know, maybe that damn ad-lib controller" Yoko trembled. He only glared back before continued finishing the rest of the zombies with his gun _'Crazy girl.'_

"Hey Yoko, where your trusty iron pipe? You've said you wanted to beat them with that huh?" Kevin mocked as he finished killing all the zombies and blew the smoke on his gun.

She gave the furious look and quickly took out the long iron pipe from her small knapsack (I know it sounds illogic but Capcom did this, whatever….)

Kevin blinked as he saw Yoko coming closer toward him with. Armed with the iron pipe and flushed angrily.

"Y-Yoko…I think y-you need help," he stepped back. "B-Back off."

Kevin only shut his eyes when Yoko started to raise highly her iron pipe and hurled it like a boomerang near him. He quickly opened his eyes as he heard a death moan from back.

"Nice hurling!" Yoko grinned. Kevin turned back and saw the fallen zombie near his boot. _'She saved my life.'_

"T-Thanks," Kevin's eyes began to tear down. She stepped closer "Oww….don't cry," Yoko comforted with a concern look. He suddenly felt a weird feeling coming from his private area. _"Aww man, not now."_

"Umm…Yoko?"

"Yes?"

"Yoko?"

"Yes Kevin, I'm here right you."

"Yoko?"

"What's the matter?"

"May I go to a toilet, pretty please?" Kevin clasped his hands with a puppy eyes.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

Next: More David's things...

TBC


	4. You better don't ask

Here, my chapter 4. Enjoy. Grammar is bad, don't have beta and please no flames. Thanks for all of reviewer.

Disclaimer: REO is not mine.

****

**Chapter 4: You better don't ask**

Yoko traveled down along the staircase with Kevin a far behind. "Hey wait! Suppose it's me to be the leader right now, not you!" Kevin yelled.

She suddenly stopped and glanced at him over her shoulder "What's the matter with that?" Yoko shrugged off and continued her path. "I'm the main character right now and you just…" Kevin lost his thought.

Yoko gave a pissed off glare "Just what?...You're faithful bitch?...Hn! I don't know why they created me like this, as an idiot item carrier. Follow your ass like a hungry dog and always being curse! Maybe in a reality, I'm worth."

Kevin made an awful face and scratched at the back of his head, feeling sorry with her fate " Oww Yoko, come on….This is only a game. Maybe next time, if we're all lucky to star in the third file, they will give you a better skill and hot style," Kevin winked with perverted face.

"Might be we're going to be the sexy pair," he added and pointed his thumb at her. Yoko solely lowered her eyelids and looked dryly at him _'Yeah, I wish that too, perv….'_

"Just get the stupid thing outta your mind. You're wasting my time. Should it be we searching after David hm?" She turned back and continued ran down stair.

"Hey! Wait a minute," the cop tried to chase her behind but he was too damn slow (Dunno what kinda thing make Yoko really fast, cheatcode?)

Then someone just popped out from his back, evilly smirked at the drunken cop while holding his dearly wrench. "Pay time," David muttered and carefully tracked him down, ensured the cop didn't notice his presence. Kevin heard an awkwardly faint sound and glanced back "Hmm…No one!"

He happily ran down since confidently thought there's nobody stalking him. David moved out from his hiding and glared furiously toward the despised figure (How he hides himself? Don't ask me).

He quickened his steps so he would merely several foots behind him. Then when he assumed that Kevin is close enough to get his prized kick, David suddenly kicked harshly at his ass making the cop tripped over the stair.

Kevin shrieked painfully as his body rolling along the stair. Yoko shocked from the loud scream and turned back. Her eyes only followed his movement, looking emotionless till Kevin landed near her foot.

"Ouch!" Yoko only gave a hurt look and then kneeled down beside the unconscious cop. "Hey Kevin, wake up! Hey! Do you hear me?" she poked his shoulder a few times but there was no answer. _'Is he dead?'_

"What the hell was going on?" David greeted while running down stair, pretending nothing happened. Yoko looked up "Don't know, he suddenly smashed. Hey, where're you just now?"

"Umm…Uh..around, why?" David stammered. "You're just kept losing from us and suddenly appeared out from nowhere in the right time where Kevin fainted. So strange…are you trying to hide something? Or...Are you jealous?" she frowned and swallowed hard after saying the word 'jealous'.

"Me? Naah... That's so funny," David chuckled off and immediately silenced as he met her cold gaze. "So? What we're going to do with him?" Yoko looked back to Kevin's body and massaged her chin. "How about we cut his flesh and give it to the zombie?" David suggested.

"He's not dead yet," she replied dryly, wondering it was very inhumane to let his meat as Zombie's food. "Are you sure? Did you check his pulse?" She slightly shook and then he taken off the glove from his hand before placed his finger on Kevin's neck. There was a low pulse and he cursed angrily inside his heart _'Dammit! He's still alive'_

"Is he dead?" Yoko asked, concerned. "He's…already dead," David deeply sighed, pretending to regret for Kevin's lost. Yoko rubbed her face and struggled to control her sadness "Okay, since he had gone, we need to finish off this scenario. Come on," Yoko said after stayed in a long silent. David nodded and joined up with her to retrieve their first clue.

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"I've already put so much code but it won't work!" Yoko growled as she tried to enter again to open the silver key box. "Maybe you missed some of the code," David replied while rested near her. "God damn it! It won't work…. unless I'm the main character," she exclaimed and David gave an annoying look. _'Aww man..'_

"Hey, did you sure that he's really dead?" Yoko raised her eyebrow, sensed the fraud. David didn't dare to meet her eyes and the guiltiness slowly ate him inside. She continuously threatened him by her look.

"Okay! Okay! I'm telling you, he's still alive," David felt defeated. "What? Why you're lying to me? Jealous?" Yoko blurted out. "No way! Damn! He's really suck! I'm just feeling mad of what he'd done to me, not more than that. Sorry!" David rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Actually, you've tried to kill the one who can get us out from here. You know what? This is the funny lame excuse. What a childish! I should leave both of you together so you can stuck out your throat all the times and maybe become a happy couple," she pouted.

David trembled _'Happy couple? Ewww' _"Yoko, are you yaoi fan girl?" he suddenly asked. "W-What? No! Don't ever try to change the subject, the main point now is to get Kevin back and complete this scenario. Let's check! Hopefully the zombie won't eat him," said her and began to move.

"Umm… Yoko?" Yoko turned back, bored. "What now?"

"About the happy couple, what's that mean?" David confusingly asked. Yoko heavily sighed "I think he's gay and maybe he likes you." Then she walked away turning from David's pale face. "This is not good…" he gulped and followed her behind.

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The cold bucket of water harshly splashed onto Kevin's face and the small hand gently slapped his face. "Thank God, the zombie isn't here. Kevin, wake up," Yoko said with David beside her, holding a bucket (Where he got that? Don't ask me)

"He's deep sleeper, let me smack him," David threw away the bucket angrily. Yoko glared up "No," she rejected; afraid David will make the situation getting worst.

"C-Claire….is that you?" Kevin suddenly rambled with his eyes still shut. Yoko furrowed and confused _'Who's Claire?"_

"Umm….Kevin, this is Yoko, not Claire. Just wake up, will ya?" Yoko shivered as he started to caress her hand and brought it closely to his mouth. "Oh Claire, I really miss you…miss you so much, let me kiss you emm…mmm," moaned Kevin lustfully. _'Phidophile..' _(Oh my! Chris might kill him)

Yoko widened her eyes and tensed up from his action while David getting pissed, clenching his fist. "Back off, Yoko," David ordered but Yoko still unmoved. "Calm down, David. He's only dreaming-,"

"What the fuck is with that? He's now, kissing your hand, dreaming somebody, do you enjoying it?" David snapped. "What! Hey, watch your mouth," Yoko shouted with blushing _'Or you're the one who get jealous.'_

Exhausted with the endless fight, he quickly shoved her aside and smacked hardly Kevin's face '_Wow! How I'm really enjoying this.' _(Ouch! Imagine yourself being slapped by him)

Kevin slightly hurled aside and immediately gotten up (Did anyone see stars on his head?). "WOAH! WHAT WAS THAT?" he yelled and rubbed his reddened cheek.

Kevin freakily surprised from the stroke and found Yoko smiling near him. "Hello Kevin, how's your sleep?" he didn't replied and then turned his gaze toward the plumber. "Hmph!" David looked away and crossed his arms.

"W-What happened to me?"

"Actually you've tripped from the stair and fainted, big guy," Yoko said, bored. "Where's Claire? I thought she was here," asked Kevin like a motherless boy. "There's nobody whose name Claire here, it's only David and me, Yoko. Do you remind us? Your outbreak partner?" she patted his shoulder.

"Yes! Yes! And it was a dream?" he asked again. Yoko lazily nodded. "And who's the asshole that slapped my handsome face?" he stormed out. Yoko gestured up to David. "Damn you!"

"It's liked a spur of the moment," he retorted and shrugged off. "Why, you-" Kevin started to lunge toward him but has been stopped by Yoko. "No, I won't let anyone of you to get hurt!" Kevin backed away as she received the cold glare from her.

David evilly smirked, won on him. '_You'll be going to have my special Ryman kick, stupid plumber,'_ Kevin gritted his teeth.

Yoko who was standing in the middle only changed her glances toward the twosome. She sweat dropped and rubbed away her bang "Okay guys, time to move."

Yoko walked away to the previous place and leaved them behind. David only smirked before followed Yoko's back. This was Kevin's time to get pissed "Asshole! $$#$."

TBC

Note: To Kevin fans, sorry for making Kevin too much suffer.


	5. Chapter 5

Goodbye RE fanfic


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